Dead, But Not Buried
by FirstBloodContest
Summary: First Blood Contest Entry. Canon. Eric tells Sookie about his first kill in defense of his Viking family, while she is recovering in hospital from her encounter with Rene.


**First Blood Contest**

**Title: ****Dead, But Not Buried**

**Writer status: Serial **

**Beta: Northwoman**

**Characters: Eric Northman, Aude and others**

**Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns Eric Northman and the SVM characters. **

**Dead, But Not Buried**

"Are you always this heartless?" I grabbed my blanket to try to stop my hands from shaking. "Can't you say any word that maybe, just maybe, will make me feel better?"

Everybody was gone already, except Eric. Bill hadn't wanted to leave; he didn't feel comfortable to leave me alone with Eric (which caused Eric's eyebrow to lift some degree higher than normal), but I asked him to. It was absurd to think that Eric would harm me. Once, Eric had saved me from his bartender's attack, why would he want to harm me now? For my friend Tara, it seemed the time to go hadn't come early enough. She sent me a butterfly kiss, and left, almost running.

"You just killed a man, why do you want to feel better?" His voice was as cold as the air around me.

"It was self-defense. I didn't actually come out and kill him."

"Still, you killed a man."

"Bill was right. You _are_ a cold hearted bastard!"

Eric turned around. His long blond hair danced in the air for a second or two, and then softly landed on his shoulders. His bright blue eyes turned cold. There was no teasing smile as he said, "Maybe I am. Nevertheless, I don't pretend or say nice words to make you feel better. You just took the life of a man, and from your reaction, I can tell that it was your first killing." Suddenly, within a blink of an eye, he was seated on the edge of the bed.

His soft perfume of musk and orange flower reached my nose and all of sudden, I felt better already. _Oh, crap! _I cursed myself. This cold bastard knew exactly how to tease me. He knew, after I had drunk his blood some weeks ago, I would find _anything _about him to be delectable. That's why he was wearing his special perfume – perfume, which I had stupidly told him that I liked. "I brought you flowers," he said, pulling me back to reality.

"Yeah, I saw. Thanks."

His eyebrows were lifted. "Not big enough?"

His flowers were huge. It was a combination of white roses, pink lilies and some yellow daffodils. I didn't know how many of them, but it was big enough to block the entrance door. It was ridiculous to give me such a huge flower arrangement. But that is Eric Northman. He never does anything half-hearted.

"People might think that you gave a dead woman her funeral bouquet. I am not dead yet, just in case you forgot."

"No, I don't forget that." His hand reached out to touch my face. "I wish I had been there. You should have not faced that man alone."

"It happened in the day time. You couldn't have done anything, even if you had wanted to."

Eric Northman is a vampire, not just a vampire, but a vampire sheriff. His area is called Area 5, located in Shreveport – Louisiana. I am not very clear about his position. All I know is every time Bill talks about him, I can't miss the admiration and respect in his voice. His eyes, which are normally cold, will get wider and there's a kind of strange excitement on his face. Bill has known Eric for half of his vampiric life; they must have spent a lot of time together and done many things together. I can't explain and Bill doesn't want to explain either, the reason of his admiration.

Still according to Bill, Eric Northman is an old vampire. He's been around for 1000 years or more. However, he doesn't look old. In my eyes, he looks like a man in his twenties; he could be easily taken for a twenty-two or twenty-three-year old man. That pale face of his doesn't show any wrinkles or signs of getting touched by any changing weather. However, like any other vampires, the sunlight is his biggest enemy. A little touch of sunlight will burn his skin and if he stands under the sun, even only for a moment, it will kill him.

I could understand that he hadn't been able to help me fight against Rene; it's not that he hadn't wanted to. He could have forced himself to get out and try to save me, but what good would it be for any of us, if he would have ended up dead?

"Do you need something? Anything?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I am not hungry."

His big hand was now on my cheek. It was cold, but somehow it soothed me. I had bruises everywhere, but I didn't feel any pain. The pain killers must be working in full force now, otherwise, I was sure I would feel aches all over my body. The fight that had happened between me and Rene was not just a fight. It was a fight between death and life, his and mine.

"Get some sleep," Eric's eyes became softer. "You need it." Then, he stood up. "I have to go now; I have a business to run." Slowly he walked away. "Call me if you need anything."

"Eric…." I called him. "Why did you come?"

Eric stopped walking. "It's your first killing. I wanted to make sure that you are okay."

My heart jumped a little. Did Eric care about what I felt? That was something new.

"What?" He must have felt something or heard the irregularity that my heart suddenly was having.

"Don't tell me that you care about me, Eric. People might misunderstand you."

He snorted. Then, without saying a word he left my room.

The silent figure in the darkness woke me up abruptly. I was going to press the button to call the nurses when I heard his calm voice. "It's me, Eric."

"What are you doing here? What time is it?"

"I don't know. Past midnight, I believe," he walked slowly toward me, "maybe two or three hours before dawn."

Fruitlessly I looked for the switch. I hated talking in the darkness like this.

"Don't," Eric's voice was low, almost like a whisper, "turn on the light."

"Why?"

There was no answer. Eric was close to the bed, standing like a statue. I sighed. If only Eric had been a human, I wouldn't have minded talking in the dark like this. I wouldn't even have minded if we talked with our backs facing each other, because even though I considered it as a curse, I could read peoples' minds. Yes, I could hear what they said in their heads. However, vampires were not exactly people. They were dead, and so were their heads, well at least for me. Therefore, I can't read Eric's or Bill's mind. And I hate it if I can't see their faces when they talk to me.

"Don't do that," he says.

"Do what?"

"Sighing. It makes me want to feed on you. Perhaps, during or after we have sex, but I will bite you, nevertheless."

"Who said anything about me wanting to have sex with you? And who thinks about having sex with a sick person like…oh yeah, you just did." I couldn't stop myself from being annoyed. Eric has been coming on to me since the first time we've met, and strongly! Until now, I've managed to refuse him. I didn't deny that I enjoyed the attention that he'd been giving me; it's just, everything was too fast for me. I didn't know anything about him and I didn't usually sleep with somebody that I didn't know.

Yes, he had saved me from Longshadow, the bartender who had stolen his money. I would have been killed had Eric not stabbed him. Longshadow was a vampire and I couldn't read his mind. But Ginger, the woman who worked as a cleaning lady in the bar, was a human. She had seen him taking some amount of money from time to time. It had been difficult to read her mind because the words that I heard were jumbled and confusing. One sentence had nothing to do with the other. However, she was very loud, almost screaming, when she was thinking about Longshadow and money. She was afraid that he might kill her if she told anybody about the money.

Longshadow jumped on me, choked me and bumped my head against the table. I was sure that I would die that day when I saw his fangs were out, but Eric had been faster. He stabbed Longshadow and that was it. Then, he gave me his blood so that I was able to heal quickly.

Eric would have given me his blood again this time, if I hadn't refused him. But it didn't make me know him better! He might have been able to sense my feeling, and I would fall for him (according to Bill of course), but for me, Eric would be as unpredictable as always and he was now sitting on the edge of the bed. His tall figure was bent.

Oh, that's it. I was not going to have this conversation! It's creepy enough to talk to a man in the middle of the night, and now I was doing it in the dark. Click. The light was on. The room was suddenly bright and white. My eyes had to adjust for a moment before I could see what was in front of me.

"I told you not to switch on the light," Eric's voice was still low, but now, it sounded as if he had tried to push down any emotion he was having.

I looked at him. He was wearing his black tank top and leather jacket, making his blond hair look brighter and shinier. His blue jeans were tightly hugging his thighs. And as he turned to me, I saw two red lines running down from his eyes. I forced myself to sit. Was he crying? Were those tears? I had never seen any vampire crying before; I was not sure what I was seeing. "Eric..." I reached out my hands, "are you all right?"

He didn't answer. His head was sinking lower into his chest.

"Come here," I said. "Sit beside me."

Soon, we were lying beside each other. The two red lines were running faster and faster. The pillow, where that beautiful face was laying, was soon wet and red. Softly I touched his face. Why was he crying? Was he worrying about me? Softly, I kissed his forehead. Jesus, how could a vampire, who was running around with such an emotionless face, look so helpless like this? What had happened to him?

I kissed his cheeks and as I started to pull my face away from his, his cold hand touched my neck, and stopped me from moving. The next thing I knew, his lips were on mine. His kiss was strong and passionate…but at the same time, desperate; it was as if he had wanted to get rid of whatever feelings he was having for the moment. I could hear his sobbing and at the same time feel his body shaking. When we let each other go, his fangs were out, but his eyes were blurring.

"When I saw you trembling and shaking the other day…" his voice sounded sombre, "I felt, for the first time in my long life, a feeling that I thought I had lost; especially, when I saw your eyes, how afraid they were, and how confused…I knew those eyes before, somewhere long time ago. And as I returned to my vault, I realized whose eyes those were."

Then he was quiet. I heard nothing, but the beeping sound from the machine that was running to monitor my condition. When I put my hand on his chest, I felt nothing but coldness. It was stupid, but somehow, in my wildest imagination, I thought I would feel something, anything, that gave a sign there was something like a heart under that pale skin!

"Whose were they?" I cleared my throat; try to get rid of the feeling that suddenly choked me. I had never seen Eric like this, and I had never had the idea to wish that Eric had a heart either. This was too strange for me, and I didn't like it.

Those blue eyes looked at me and the lips, which normally gave me a smirk or snort, were down. Two red lines ran down like fast streams. His eyes were closing as he said, "Hungry's."

It was a bad year for the Skandersberg. The summer was too long and too dry. The small stream, which ran through the village, had become the victim of the heat. It had less and less water. Its fresh water could no longer touch the chest of the men anymore. And by day, it was getting lower and lower. The village elders were afraid that by the end of summer, the water would reach the ankles and there would be no fish or crabs to take.

More, they were worried that the rumours they had heard from the traders, who passed by their village, might come true. The drought had taken over the land. Crops were failing and many villages suffered from famine. Soon, the winter would come. Winter without food was the same punishment as death. The big strong men might survive, but not the children, women, or the sick ones. But life without their women or loved ones would be as devastating as the famine itself.

Many tribes had sent their men out sea to go to other lands, to find new places to live or gold to pay the food at home. Some had returned, and many had gone without any news. Some villages were empty and deserted. Those who had unfortunate fates would be taken by other tribes and made slaves. And the news that was brought by the passer-bys was the most evil. The Wild men of Rottneros had left their wood to find a new place to live and they destroyed anything that was on their way.

"But those were only rumours!" Åki the Bear said. Åki was a big man, with hair red like fire and a beard as thick as the lingonberry in spring time. Eric liked watching him twisting and curling his beard. Åki had big hands, like bear's paws, but when he twisted and curled his beard, his fingers moved slowly and elegantly like the fingers of the women, fixing the fishnet. "People talk a lot when their mead jars are empty!"

"I am afraid, it is not only rumour, Åki," Arn, the second chieftain said. Arn was the smith of the village, who had been appointed as the chief, whilst the chief and some men had gone sailing. "The sun has been very unkind to us lately. The crops are dry before their time, and the goats run out of their milk. The butter that our women make will only be enough for one full moon time. Yes, we have some fishes left to be dried, but even then, it will not be enough for all of us to live through the winter. We have to go further to the North, and hope that there will be enough beasts to hunt. However, I heard from the traders that it is not only we, who are suffering from this drought. The wild men, who live among the beasts in the deep forest of Rottneros, have also suffered from it, and it drove them out of their caves. I heard they are coming to this direction."

"But they are far in the south!" one of the men said. "They will not reach our village any day soon!"

"Their traces can be seen in Bernisham…"

"Bernisham?" Koli stood. The smith helper's face was pale. "It…it is only two full moons from here."

"The people of Askargsby had already sent their children and women away. And Askargsby is only ten days away from here."

The Long House became silent. The people who sat around the fire looked at each other, but they could not find any words. Eric could see on their faces the fear that slowly crept and he could understand why. Skandersberg was almost empty of men. The Chief and the men, who were strong and able to raise swords, had left the village one full moon ago. Those who had been left behind, either they had not witnessed enough changing seasons, or too many.

The Chieftain – his father; had taken his older brother with him. Eric had been left behind to take care of his mother, Dagny – his little sister, whose eyes were as clear and beautiful as the cold morning in the early winter, and Aude – his brother's woman. He was the man of his household, and yet, he felt his blood running cold, imagining that whomever the man were talking about now would come and take their village, their homes.

He had never seen foreign hostile people come to his village, but he had heard many stories, told around the fire, about other villages, which had been plundered and conquered. Big men with heavy, big spears and swords, sometimes they came with horses too, came, killed the men and took everything from the village – women, children, horses and even pigs. Those, which they could not take, were burnt or killed. Eric shuddered to think that they would kill Dagny.

"Do you think our men will return home soon, Arn? Where are they going? My man didn't tell me anything," said Nea, the woman of Valdr. Her three sons sat around her. Their faces were as pale as their golden hair.

"They are heading for the Rus people…"

The Long House was suddenly full of noises.

"The Rus? That's far on the East!"

"It can take a winter or two to go there and return! How are we supposed to fight against the wild people of Rottneros?"

Eric looked at his mother. She was holding Dagny close to her chest. Aude, who sat beside her, was biting her lips. Obviously, she was trying not to say anything. She had just married his brother in spring. They should have been together now, and not separated like this. Eric felt pity for her. She was far away from her home to follow her husband, and now her husband had left her, when he should have been here in the time of trouble.

Suddenly, Aude turned to him. Like a pair of eagle's eyes, her pale grey eyes stared at him. He didn't like that. Her stare made him feel uncomfortable. She wanted him to say something. After all, he was the man of the house. But what could he say? He didn't know much. The names of the people or villages sounded strange for him. He didn't know where they were or what they were.

"What are we going to do, Arn? Most of us are women!"

The Long House was full of roars. The women shouted at each other, made their words unclear and forced Eric to close his ears. He hated when women started raising their voices. The loudness and the emotion in them were worse than the strong wind in the fall time.

"Don't you feel ashamed of yourself, women of Skandersberg?" suddenly his mother stood up. "Did our mothers before us not teach us how to defend ourselves against our enemies? Yes, we were born with a weaker body, but we are given stronger hearts! We raise our sons to be men, and our men to be strong warriors. Perhaps we will not be able to stop them from coming, but surely we can give them a fight they will never forget. Arn can make us smaller and lighter knives or spears. We will fight them! And if our strength fails us, we can always use our charms and beauty to survive and send our last blows before we all meet our fates!"

The Long House was again in silence. Eric looked at his mother with mixed feelings. He was proud that his mother stood up and told them what she thought, but on the other hand, he wished he had been the one who did.

"I don't know about any of you," his mother continued. "But I will fight until I draw my last breath. I will not fail my man by surrendering to the wild men of Rottneros. I will cut their throats before they are able to lay their filthy hands on me!"

Slowly, the Long House was filled with murmurings again. Some agreed with his mother and some doubted her.

"What say you, Eric?" Arn's voice made him lift his face. His stomach turned as he realized that every pair of eyes in the room was directed at him. How he wished he had been able to find brave words that would have sounded remotely similar to his mother's, but he realized how trembling his hands were. He had to hold them tight, so that he was able to master himself and said, "I…I don't know." Then, he held his breath, and waited for any curse to be spoken against him. He was telling the truth. He didn't know what to do or to say.

He was no longer a boy, but not yet a man. The last winter had been his fourteenth winter, so his mother had told him. This coming winter would be a big celebration for him, because then, he would be allowed to go sailing with the older men, to see other villages and perhaps even a town – a big village, where the people who lived in it never slept. In a town, people always had something to do, some houses always had their torches burning and mead or food was always served. He could not wait for the winter to come and then to pass, so he could take his first sailing.

But nobody said a word. Their eyes were still on him.

"I have learned how to fish," he said finally, "how to hunt, to plant and to harvest the oat. I also have learned how to use swords or spears, but I have never been in any battle before. If I tell you all what to do, I fear, it will sound false. Wouldn't it be wiser, if you Arn, were the one who tells us what to do?"

Eric was sure that any time now, he would be shouted at. However, strangely nobody did that. They were all still looking at him, but with kind looks.

"So young, and yet you are wise, Eric," said Arn. "I am the chief of the Skandersberg people now, but in your blood runs the blood of Knut the Brave. I will take some time to think what to do, and yet, I will ask you to help me. Now, let us all sleep! Tomorrow will be a big day for us, for those who can already lift hammers or swords, must use their hands and prepare themselves for the rough time that might come to our homes!"

The fire had long since died, but Eric could still see how the glow slowly ate the wood. Its color had been bright red before finally it faded away and turned into black. He didn't know what time was it, but he could feel on his skin that the morning was approaching. The dew that fell from the sky made the hot air a bit bearable.

Eric wanted to sleep; he wanted to be able to stop his head from thinking, but he couldn't. The image of the wild men of Rottneros coming to his village and harming his mother and sister crept inside his head every time he tried to shut his eyes. Carefully, he got up and sat on the edge of his bed. The people were still sleeping; some were even snoring loudly. He wished he could be one of them. They were so certain what they wanted to do, as if they had already known it.

A soft touch on his back made him turn around. Aude. His brother's woman had already awakened and it seemed she was ready to do her daily work. She tied her brown hair on her head and put her apron on. She gave him a sign to come with her. Eric tied up his drawstring before he got down and followed her.

Aude was standing behind the right pole of the Long House. She was twisting the corner of her apron as Eric approached her. Aude was considered a tall woman among his people. Her height was about three and one-quarter alen*; she could easily touch the horse's back. He was younger than Aude, but he had grown like wild grass lately. His own height was about three and a half alen, so that he had to crane a little bit in order to hear her talking.

"I want to go to my village," she said. "My people can help us."

Her village was three days walks to the West from Skandersberg. A village called Lirienthwaite, where its people were mostly hunters. Aude was very good in skinning the game; she was also very skillful in using knives.

Eric looked at her. Her grey eyes shone brightly like the sun at the middle of the day. A new unfamiliar feeling crawled on his skin. A feeling that he never felt before; it made his heart beat faster and at the same time his head was pounding like crazy.

It had been seven days since the last conversation in the Long Hall. Arn had ordered any man, who was strong enough to lift a hammer to help him wield the iron to make swords. The women were ordered to make fences around the village and to make dried food as much as they could. All food was buried in the western part of the village. But the talks among them were getting louder. They needed more men. They had to find some help!

"We have to go today, before the noon."

There was a strong urge to say 'yes' to her question. Yes, he wanted to go with her, to be with her alone, because he liked the feeling he had just felt. He wanted to feel more, to know her more. But then, something hit him. He couldn't leave, even if he wanted to. His mother and sister needed him…and Aude belonged to his brother. He could not want to know her more. It would be considered breaking the law and a betrayal to his brother. "I can't," he said finally, walking away from her.

"I talked to Mother," Aude caught his hand. "She agreed."

"Father gave me the order to take care of Mother, Dagny and you. I can't leave them…even if I want to." His heart beat faster as he said it. The touch of Aude's hand was soft and warm. The feeling that he had felt before came again and this time, it was stronger.

"Look around you, Eric. There are more women than men. If the wild men of Rottneros come here, we won't be able to fight them. I know how to handle small swords and spears, but the others do not. Your people are farmers, Eric! Their women are never taught how to fight beasts. And trust me, my husband's brother; you don't want to see a beast rampaging!"

She was right. If nobody helped them, they would have no chance to face the wild men of Rottneros.

"Mother agreed?"

Aude nodded. "You still have to talk to Arn, but I am sure he will agree too."

"Why me, Aude? Is it not better if you go with somebody stronger, like Åki? You don't know what you will face on the road, and I am not as skillful as you are."

"Silly boy," she smiled. "You are my husband's brother. You are the man of the house now. A request from your house will be more considered as a request from Skandersberg. And I trust you. You have your father's wisdom. In this time of trouble, my husband's brother, wisdom is better than strength."

Eric tried to suppress a sudden of joy which filled his heart. He felt his face was hot. He had never heard somebody say such nice words to him. When their eyes met and he saw a smile on Aude's face, he smiled too.

He made a promise that day, when the time came for him to have a woman, who would bear his children; he would find himself a woman just like Aude. Maybe she would not look like her, but that woman must have wisdom and fire in her spirit, just like Aude.

"Take this," Mother gave him a sword, sheathed in a stag fur. "It belonged to your grandfather – my father and this," she handed him a black shield, a Suswold shield. It was green and round with yellow rambling leaves all around. In the middle of the shield was a picture of a white tree. His mother was one of the daughters of the Suswold chief.

Suswold was a village in the south about fourteen days from Skandersberg. It was a village deep in the jungle, surrounded by hills. 'It was difficult to reach the village,' his father once said. 'First, you have to cross the river and then you walk through the forest. The trees in that forest are thick and tall; the bushes reach your knees and if you are not careful, you can fall into holes or traps, which are laid by the men of Suswold.' His father had reached the village merely by accident. He had been chasing a stag, which led him to the village and to his woman. The fur of the stag was made into a sheath, and as a wedding gift, the chief of Suswold had given him the shield.

It was somehow strange to Eric, that Arn let him go. It had been too fast and too easy. He thought Arn would have asked him to stay to help him and the other men to prepare for the attack. On the contrary, Arn seemed to agree and eagerly asked him to leave. The earlier, the better, he said.

His mother touched his face, "Time is surely not a friend of ours."

"I'll return as soon as possible, Mother."

Aude wore the same clothes he did, a long woollen shirt and long trousers. Women were not allowed to wear trousers, but it seemed there was a first time for everything. With her brown hair plaited to the back, Aude looked more like a man than a woman. A very clean man, since she didn't have a single hair on her face. "Are you ready, Eric?"

No, he wasn't and probably never would be, but he nodded. Slowly he followed Aude, who was already some paces in front of him. The women's faces looked pale. They were weary and frightened faces. Some tried to smile, but some turned away as he passed them. He was one of the older youngsters in the village. He had been left behind because he wasn't yet of age. Now, he had to leave the village to look for some help. Eric felt a heaviness in his chest. He realized that he was scared. Would he be able to do it? Desperately, he sought the answers on the faces of some of his friends, but most of them were younger than he was, and he could only find confusion and fear.

As they passed the gate, he turned around to see his mother and Dagny for the last time. Somehow he had a feeling that he would never see them again and it scared him more and more.

In panic, Eric ran through the woods. It had been too long since Aude had gone. She said she wanted to catch some fish because she didn't want them to eat the dried meat that they took with them. The road to her village might take longer than she thought, she said. They had to be careful with the food that they had, otherwise they would have difficulty in reaching their destination, because the last part of the journey would be a long and never ending meadow. It would be difficult for them to get any meat or water.

As he reached the small lake, he didn't see Aude. In fact, around the lake was quiet. There was no sound of animals or wind. On the lakeside, he saw her shirt, trousers, shoes and two big fish. Where was Aude? What happened to her? Why were her clothes on the lakeside?

Suddenly he heard the sound of water being splashed. He turned around, and there was Aude, emerging from the lake, naked. The soft light of the afternoon sun caressed her wet body, following every curve that she had. Her breasts were round and white, the nipples were pink. As Eric followed the water that ran down from her shoulder, he could not help but notice, how hard those nipples were, and how soft the light had made her stomach to be…he wondered how it looked below her stomach…

"Turn around," Aude's voice pulled him back to reality. "And take off your shirt. I need it."

Eric did what she said. He would have done it anyway, if Aude had not said anything. His heart was beating like crazy and he felt that his manhood was hard, like every morning when he woke up. Only this time, he wasn't sleeping! He took off his shirt and gave it to Aude without turning.

"My clothes are wet," Aude said. "I was pulled into the lake by the last fish. And I thought, now that I am wet, I can wash myself too. Why are you here? I thought you were looking for a place to sleep."

"I found it. You were too long here; I was beginning to worry."

"You can turn around now."

Eric turned around. The length of his shirt reached her knees, instead of her bottom; somehow it made her look smaller.

"You can make a fire now. We can eat the fish here."

Soon, they were sitting beside the fire, eating the fish. Now and then, Eric looked at Aude's legs, which were lean and toned. There was not a single hair on them, different from his, which were covered with blond hair. The feeling that he had since they had left the village was getting stronger and stronger. More than that, he wanted to put his hands on them or any part of Aude's body. Ah! He growled in his head. Aude was his brother's woman. He should not want her!

"How many days will it take to reach your village, Aude?" He knew the answer already, but he must say something, anything, so that his own head would not tell him to do anything that he would regret.

"Maybe in two days."

"I hope we won't be late."

"Late for what, Eric? You heard what Arn said, the wild men of Rottneros are possibly still far away."

"I don't know…it's just...Arn behaved strangely. Don't you think that Mother and Arn were eager to see me leaving Skandersberg?"

"What kind of strange thing are you telling yourself, Eric? Mother wouldn't ask you to leave her side, not for any reason! You are her dearest son! Except…" Aude stood up.

"Except what?"

Her pale grey eyes were wider. "Let's go to the cave. I want to know what Arn wrote to my father."

The cave was a small one, under two big rocks and on the left and right side were trees. It was clean inside. Eric found some bones and broken arrows. Some hunters must have used the cave to sleep at night and to protect themselves from wolves or any other beasts.

Carefully, Aude took a roll of a goat skin out of her bag. "Can you read, Eric?" she opened the skin.

Yes, he could read, but not yet well. His father hadn't finished teaching him reading, when he had to leave. "A little, yes. You?"

Aude shook her head. "I wish somebody can teach me reading and writing."

"I can, if you want me to, and if my brother allows you."

She looked at him. "It will be our secret, if your brother doesn't allow it."

Eric's heart was heavy. He didn't wish to keep secrets from his brother, but he didn't want to say no to Aude either.

"What does it say?"

Eric looked at the skin. Oh, there were some pictures that he had never seen before. He saw the picture of 'Thor'; 'fight', 'wealth', and then he saw the symbol of his house – claw of an eagle. "It has something to do with us, Aude."

"Us, what do you mean with us?"

"Us, our house," he pointed the symbol of his house.

Aude looked at the entrance of the cave, which slowly got darker, "I hope we can reach my people's village soon enough. I don't like what you said, Eric because it's true, it means Arn is hiding something from us." She sighed. "Let's sleep. We have to continue tomorrow as soon as the sun is up."

As Eric lay down beside Aude, he felt his heart race again. She was so close to him now. They had slept beside each other night after night in the Long House. Sometimes Dagny had been between them; sometimes they had been beside each other. However, he had never felt like this before. He looked at her, lying on her side, giving him her back. The shape of her body was like a hill, up and down smoothly. He closed his eyes and turned. He may not look at her; otherwise he would put his hand on her body and follow her curves. Oh, what had happened to him? Why couldn't he stop thinking about touching her? And why every time he thought about it, did his manhood always get harder?

He didn't know how long and how often he had turned around (for despite how strongly he didn't want to watch Aude, his body did exactly the opposite), when Aude said, "Eric, if you can't sleep, you can hug me."

"I…"

"We will need your strength tomorrow. If you can't sleep now, you will be weak."

His heart missed a beat. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Eric."

Carefully, he wrapped his hand around Aude's body. Hmh…she was so warm and soft. She also smelled good. Suddenly, her body was stiff. Had he held her too tight? He loosened his hold a bit and he realized that his manhood was touching her back. Had he hurt her?

"Eric…"

"Yes, Aude?"

"Try to sleep. And don't move too much. I want to sleep too."

He smiled. Obviously, he hadn't hurt her; otherwise, she would have asked him to release his hug.

"Yes, Aude."

The next day, the journey was easier for Eric. Everything seemed lighter and brighter. The forest, which was welcoming autumn, was rich with colors. Each tree had its leaves painted in gold, red, brown and green. The wind that blew strongly shook the trees and made the leaves fly in the air. He laughed and tried to catch some of them. He called to Aude to do the same, but she was mostly smiling. He had never seen the forest so beautiful like that day. He knew, he should have felt worried because of the message that Arn had written for Aude's father, but somehow that feeling or thought was so unimportant for him. He was with Aude in that beautiful forest and he wanted to enjoy it, even for a little moment.

When the night fell and they couldn't find any cave, they slept under a tree. He had made a fire before they slept to prevent the beasts from coming near and to keep them warm. It was not necessary, actually because Aude's body would keep him warm. He didn't even wait for Aude to tell him to hug her. He just did. He loved snuggling her soft and warm body. And in the morning, when he found her face close to his, he smiled. Aude looked peaceful in her sleep, and beautiful. Carefully he removed some of her hair that covered her face.

Unable to stop himself, his face was getting closer to hers, but suddenly a hot and new feeling caught him. Aude belonged to his brother. Whatever feelings he had for Aude now, it was not right. He lifted his hand off her face. He could not wish his brother's woman to be his. Eric got up. Was that what he felt? That he wanted Aude to be his woman? That was not right.

"Oh, it's morning already." He heard Aude sighing. "Why did the night go so quickly?"

Eric had the same question too. "We have to prepare ourselves, Aude," he said after he had been able to master himself. "We have to prepare the food and water, before entering the meadow."

Aude looked at him with a wondering look. She opened her mouth as if she had wanted to ask something, but then she closed it. "Yes, we do."

Golden color covered the meadow of Leirinthwaite and made Eric feel as if he had been entering a field of gold. The tip of the grass shimmered and reflected the sunlight made everything shine. He also heard how the wind shook the grass and created sound that was like music in his ears. He imagined himself riding a horse, galloping on the meadow and feeling the wind touch his face. He would leave Skandersberg any day if he had to and build his own house here on the meadow.

Aude smiled when he told her his wishes. "Many had fallen in love with the meadow of Leirinthwaite," she said. "But none of them craved the sun as you do, Eric. What would happen to you if you couldn't see the sun anymore?"

"Then I would die," he said. "I would give anything to see the sun again, even my place at Valhalla."

"Let it happen long after I die, Eric. I won't be able to see the sadness on your face; I would if it happened now."

"Yes, Aude. Let it happen long after you die because it will be I, who won't be able to see the sadness on your face."

Aude looked at him thoroughly. Softly she touched his face. "My husband's brother…" she sighed, and then she was quiet. She didn't say any more word until they reached the gate of Leirinthwaite.

The people of Leirinthwaite were proud people with strong and big statures. Most of them had brown hair like Aude and only few had red or golden hair such he did. Their eyes, which were mostly green, were like blazing thunder. They looked at him with stares that made the hair on the back of his neck stand.

A tall, big, brown haired man came toward him. His eyes were dark grey and cold like ice. "What is it?" his voice was growling. "Your husband doesn't want you anymore?"

"Father," Aude took out the goat skin roll, "a message for you from Arn the blacksmith."

"Arn the blacksmith?" he accepted the roll. "Where is the chief?"

"He and our men are going to land of the Rus," said Eric, slowly understood why they had looked at him that way. They must have thought that he was returning Aude to her people. "We are coming here for help. The wild men of Rottneros are coming to our village."

Trygve the chief of Leirinthwaite opened the roll, read it, rolled it again and said. "Men, prepare yourselves! We are going to Skandersberg tomorrow. And you," he looked at Eric, "come with me!"

Almost running, Eric followed Trygve. Trygve was a big man with big strides. He swore that the ground was shaking as Trygve walked on it. Trygve opened the door of the Longhouse and asked him to enter. He threw the roll on the table and grabbed a bottle of mead. He poured it into a wooden bowl and gave it to Eric. "Eric is your name, right?" Eric nodded. Trygve sniffed. "Arn and your people must love you well enough that they sent you away from the village, and my daughter must have stolen their hearts that she was also sent away."

"I don't understand."

"Well, boy, whatever Arn the Blacksmith told you, it was a lie. The wild men of Rottneros are coming to your village, as we are speaking right now. He had heard from the traders that they had attacked Askargsby and they were aiming for your village next."

"But he said that they had not yet reached Askargsby!" the wooden bowl in his hand was shaking. "Why did he lie?"

"To save you and my daughter," Trygve drank his mead in one go. "He must have thought that they wouldn't be able to defend the village. Therefore he sent you away."

Eric felt his heart racing. "Why me? What about my mother and sister…"

"You are the chief's son, Eric. Your brother left to join your father, who knows if he will return or not. Somebody has to continue the bloodline of your village, and who will do it, if it is not you?"

The wooden bowl fell on the floor. Dagny…Eric turned around. He had to return to his village and save Dagny…

"Eric," Trygve grabbed his shoulder. Eric tried to set himself free, but Trygve's hand was too strong for him. "It's no use for you or anybody else if you leave my village and end up dead. We will go to your village, tomorrow!"

"It will be too late, Trygve! Tomorrow will be too late!"

"Think, Eric! Emotion will not do anyone any good. Yes, we can go now, but without any preparation, it means death. I will not send my men to the hand of the wild men of Rottneros to die! If we have to fight them, then it should be a fight that the wild men of Rottneros will speak our names with fear!"

Eric trembled with fear and anger. He feared for the lives of Dagny and his mother and at the same time, felt angry for being trapped in Aude's village.

"Listen to this old hunter, Eric of Skandersberg. Your best weapon in any situation is to remain calm and to be patient. The wild men of Rottneros are beasts, and they must be treated as ones. Make your heart as cold as your head and death will be upon them!"

The waning moon touched the tips of the leaves with its pale light, as the hunters of Leirinthwaite were running across the Skandersberg woods, chasing Eric, who couldn't handle himself any more as soon as he had heard screaming and smelt the burning houses. "We got ourselves a berserker!" he heard somebody shouting. He raised his sword and shield. Then, a berserker he was! He couldn't and wouldn't stand still and listen to what Trygve had to say. His mother and sister were in danger, he had to come and save them!

He swore his heart jumped and had a life of its own as he saw the fire and the smoke that was twirling and blackening the air. "Mother! Dagny!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. He heard people – women mostly, screaming and the clunking sound as swords met. He saw shadows run in panic; men fought against beasts and children, somewhere, were crying.

He had never seen the wild men of Rottneros before. He heard of their deeds, which put the wolves to shame, because if they attacked a village, they would leave nothing behind. They took the food, burned the houses, some even said, they ate the flesh of the people.

His sword was swung like a strong wind that night, hitting any clubs or spears that were thrown at him! He didn't care about anything else, but to find his mother and Dagny. Any man who came near him was slashed or knocked down. "Mother!" again he shouted.

Suddenly he stumbled upon a body. In panic, he touched the ground and grabbed any first object he could grab. It was his own sword and he was about to swing it when he saw that he had fell upon Arn's body. Arn was covered in blood, and there was a big wound across his chest. "Eric…why…?"

"I come with the Leirinthwaite people, Arn. Where are my mother and my sister?"

"I saw them running to the west," his bloody hand grabbed Eric's arm. "Leave the village whilst you can, Eric!"

"Not without my mother and sister, Arn!" He removed Arn's hand and then ran to the west.

The smoke was getting thicker and making Eric almost not able to see the way. He had kicked, stomped and even stumbled upon bodies before he finally reached the western part of the village. His heart sunk when he saw bodies lying on the ground. Under the light of fire that was burning the roofs; he could see that they were mostly women and children. His hand that was holding the sword was shaking. His breaths were short as his heart was raging. "Mother!" he called her in desperation. "Mother!"

The sound of the battle was getting louder. Eric could hear the roaring, the meeting of the swords, spears and shields. He could also hear the screaming and the sound the houses rumbling to the ground as the fire burnt the last pieces that held them together. But he didn't hear the very sound that he desperately wanted to hear; the sound of his mother's voice calling his name.

Then to his horror, under the dimmed light of waning moon, he saw a familiar figure running. Behind her was a man, covered in mud; his club was raised. "Mother!" he yelled. For a moment, just a little moment, that figure stopped and turned around. However, it was long enough for the other figure to throw his club at her and hit her on the head.

Everything stood still as his mother fell to the ground. There was no sound or movement any more. Even the smoke looked stiff and still. The battle became a place of motion without sound and his own muscles and strength disappeared.

"Eric!"

A shout and strong wind passed by his side as somebody threw a spear and hit a black figure who stood some steps away from him, raising his club. Boom! That figure fell in front of him with a spear tore through his chest.

Trygve turned over that body with foot and then pulled his spear out of the body. "Never stand still during the battle, Eric, even when you're wounded!"

"Mother…" was the only word Eric could say, as soon as all the senses had returned to him.

"Mother…"

"We will find her…" but Eric didn't listen to Trygve any more. He ran to the direction where he had seen his mother falling. "Eric!" Trygve's voice was swallowed by the sound of battle, which rushed into his head again. The smoke, the smell and the screaming blurred his thoughts and blinded his sights. He would never forgive himself if something had happened to his mother or Dagny. He should have known, or at least understood the signs that Arn had given. They would have not let him go out of the village if they had not planned to send him away.

Eric wiped off his cheeks, which were suddenly hot from the tears that ran down from his eyes. He must not shed a tear. It was not a time for crying or regretting. It was a time for thinking. But his tears dropped like rain that day when he saw the body of his mother lying on the mud and covered with blood. "No!" He fell down on his knees and shook his mother's body. But the woman who had loved him and given him life didn't move anymore. Her body was as stiff as the stone on the river bank.

He felt his head spinning and everything was blurring. Figures moved like shadows and the noises around him were coming and going as if the wind had carried them away. Slowly he raised his body. There would be no mercy for those who had done it. He sniffed. Then he started running to the direction where he had seen the shadow of his mother's killer running.

Ignoring anything that came to his way, he kept on running. His sword and shield were swinging, knocking down anything or anybody who was on his way. Eric didn't know how long or how far he was running when he saw a shadow standing under a tree. He raised his sword. "Murder!" he yelled at the top of his lungs and charged the shadow. That shadow turned around and Eric could see the horror on his face when his sword was thrust on his chest. The face, which was covered with mud, had a pair of bright blue eyes and now they were opened widely. His mouth, which had rotten teeth, was also wide open. The feather on his head floated in the air as the owner fell to the ground. There was no club or sword in his hand, but a piece of dried ham. His voice was young and boyish as he spoke his last word, "…hungry."

"We won the battle," Eric's voice trailed off. "The Hunters of Lirienthwaite chased the wild men of Rottneros out of the village and killed every single one of them. There were too many deaths among my people; my mother and sister were among them. In the morning, when the sun came out, I could see who I killed. I didn't find his sword or club around him, but food. It looked like he was ordered to stay to guard the food and he had been so hungry that he ignored the order and ate. I didn't want to believe what I had seen, so I washed his face.

He was just a boy, much younger than I was. Everybody was relieved and glad that it was over, that we won the battle. I was praised and accepted as one of the warriors. They had never seen a young berserker before and for them I didn't only have my father's wisdom, but also his bravery. I wished I had been able to feel the same way, but I couldn't. I was brave, but I wasn't a warrior. The first blood that I had spilled was not of a warrior, but of a hungry boy who tried to survive. I didn't know his name, and I will never do. When I buried his body, I called him 'Hungry'."

My hospital gown was sticky and red from Eric's tears. I didn't know what else to do, but to hug him tight. If only I could, I would say anything to make him feel better. He had been only fourteen! It must have been hard for him to take a life for the first time, especially when his victim had been just a boy, like Eric himself. I sighed.

"Don't," suddenly he said.

"What?"

"Feel sorry for me."

"I don't," I lied. How the hell did he know, by the way?

Slowly, he let himself go and sat. "Morning is coming. I have to go."

"You can sleep here," I said. "You know…at the morgue."

He looked at me. His eyebrow was lifted. "I am not _that_ dead yet."

I touched his hand. "You won't be too far from me."

"Are you trying to seduce me?" he fixed his hair. "I can make a supersonic, hot and satisfying sex …"

I was perplexed. "Is that all that's in your head?"

"Yeah," he smirks. "Why?"

He had just finished crying, that's why! "What is a berserker?" I tried to change the subject.

"A frenzy warrior, who thinks that he is invulnerable," he touched his hair. "I hate having blood in my hair. Is there any…"

I rolled my eyes. For a berserker, he was acting like a model now. Wasn't a frenzy warrior supposed to be frenzied and not to care a shit about his hair? "What did Aude say about it? Something happened between you and Aude…am I right?"

The smirk went from his face. He took some Kleenex and wiped off the rest of the tears. When he looked at me, I could see how soft those eyes were. "I married her."

"But…"

"My brother had died on their return to Skandersberg. I married her as soon as her mourning time was over. _She or I didn't betray_ my brother, if that's what you asked."

I didn't and why did he emphasize the 'She or I didn't betray' part? Was he still feeling guilty about it…after all these years?

"I couldn't stand the thought of wanting her every time I saw her; therefore I had decided to leave Skandersberg to live in Lirienthwaite and learn to be a hunter. I would have stayed there and never returned had my brother not died."

"And…what did she say about your obsession with sex?"

"She didn't complain," the smirk came up again on his face. "She gave me six children as a matter of fact."

"Six? Boy, you were…occupied."

His eyes were twinkling. "Yes, we were. You and I can be, you know, occupied too if you want…"

"Go!" I said, smiling. "I am sick, just in case you forgot."

He smiled. "I like it when you smile," he said. As if he was speaking to a person who was not there, his voice was low. "It's never easy to take someone's life, lover. Because if we make a mistake, we would never be able to give it back. What we can do is to understand the real reason of the matter and live with it. Perhaps, we will regret what we have done, perhaps not, but we must accept it. We can't live in dreams or situations, which are not there. It is here and now. Deal with it, accept whatever feeling that comes to you, and move on. The next time you want to take someone else's life, think hard, you don't want to go through the same process all over again, because you will only hurt yourself."

Then, he turned around and left

His figure was not there anymore, as slowly I came to my senses. I would never know why he had told me the story, which had obviously been hidden deep inside, but the story itself was like a small hole on the wall of my chest and make all the fears, sadness, regret and relieves that I had kept within burst into tears. For the first time, after days of feeling numb, I felt my whole body aching and my head pounding as if it was going to explode.

The nurses, who came after they had heard my crying, hold me closely. "It's going to be all right, dear. Let it out…"

In the air, Eric's perfume was still lingering on and all of sudden I wanted him to be here, right here, right now.

**Author's Note: **

An alen is an old Viking measurement. It is measured from the tip of the finger until the elbow. Some sources say it is around 21 inch; but some say it is around 22 – 24 inch. I take the 21 inch for an alen because it was used by some scientists to rebuild some old Viking ships.

3.25 alen = 68.25 inch (5'7") (Aude's height)

3.5 alen = 73.5 inch (6'1") (Eric's height {when he was 14 year old})


End file.
